I was lying in bed this morning thinking about my life from high school on out. I had recently gotten a comment from one of my high school friends that said I was “one of a kind”. The funny thing about that is nothing that would normally seem shocking to others; playing rugby, coming out, moving to New Orleans, working at a Strip club, performing Burlesque, moving to New York; those things were not surprising. It was the mundane; joining a sorority,getting engaged to a man, becoming an accountant; that shocked them. I guess there is some truth to who you are at a very young age will be who you are when you are older.
Tiny things, funny enough have stayed the same most of the time. I always say I get along with men better than women but in reality the majority of my friends are women with a few select amazing men thrown in. (this is my shout out to you guys, Greg, Joey, Tom, Abe) I loved my posse of chicas from high school, Lola, Bunny, Nikita, Roxy and Cha Cha. This is when Bambi was born and while I might be the only one still going by my nickname, there were personality traits I still see in all these women today. These women are a perfect example of how we have all changed and yet, I think we still have the same inner workings we had back then.
In college, that was the one time I didn’t have a majority of female friends. I mean, I ran in huge groups of women, my sorority sisters and my rugby team but it was the fraternity, Tau Kappa Epsilon that I really connected with. They viewed me as a the female equivalent to their brothers and I did feel like those guys were my family. I remember they were the first group of people on campus I came out to. Well, my new girlfriend on the rugby team also, she knew a little bit before they did but as a whole, they were the firsts. They were so supportive, I remember sitting at lunch helping some of the brothers figure out the signs some girls were sending them while we rated the other girls that walked by, it was awesome. They supported me fully and I did for them. So many of them pop into my head while I write this it would be unfair to list just because they all mean so much to me as a whole. That’s not to say I didn’t have incredible friendships with my sisters, it was just, I was never able to come out to them and I regret that. I feel like while I did find out some intrinsic information about myself in college, for the first 3.5 years I was so worried about what everyone else thought that I didn’t get to figure myself out enough.
I did however get to figure myself in New Orleans. Finding out I didn’t like office work, that even if I could rake in over $1,000 in a night I wouldn’t work for people that questioned my ethics, I could stand up to the man and not back down, that there was a passion for performing in me that was not getting met. These are things I found out there, I also went back to my primarily female friends only this time with a twist. Most of my friends were gay like me. I loved the crazy adventures I would go on with Jenna, how Andrea’s family accepted me into their fold. I also found my religion in New Orleans and that gave me something to use to better myself mentally and to form a foundation for the type of life I wanted. I loved my church family very much and I constantly miss them and know they would be proud of me. It’s funny how if I could have stayed in New Orleans I was going to start go -go dancing, yet, due to elements out of my control I had to leave and that was put on hold and yet, I made it back to that anyways.
The initial moving to DC was a shock for everyone that knew me, Bambi’s living at home with her dad?? Bambi got a job as an accountant??? These things did not make sense to me but they were the things that had to happen at that moment in my life. Thank God I met my friend Kalyn at that job or else I would have lost it long before I finally did. Once I was able to get out of that house though I found myself searching for a way to fulfill that passion to perform. I did that through my family with the Gurly show. There were people in the troupe I didn’t trust but that’s par for the course. There were however people in that troupe that helped me find my own voice as a performer and have always encouraged me to create. Coco, Ginger, Roxy and Codie were my girls through thick and thin with that group. They were there when others were cruel and being nasty, when I started to deal with the weight gain due to my medicine, they supported me no matter what and I love them all dearly for that. They were actually some of the biggest supporters in me following my dream and moving to New York.
Now I am here and it all comes back full circle. When I was about 9 or 10 I would dream of how I was going to move to New York City and become a Broadway actress. I could envision my one room hole with a hot plate and how I would survive on rice and beans. I would have nothing to my name but I would be living my dream. In high school I got voted “Most likely to move to Hollywood” which was only because they didn’t have a “Most likely to move to New York City”. Somewhere along my journey (about mid way through college) I started to think how unprobable that dream was, that I would never move to New York. But somehow, from figuring out who I was on the inside, a performer, and meeting the right people, The Wasabasco Crew, World Famous *Bob*, Fem Appeal, I found myself coming up here every month. I started bringing my wife with me, she fell in love with this city and we took the jump. In some ways it’s been amazing; we have an incredible apartment, we have made really awesome friends, we have a support network we never imagined having; and in someways it’s been hard; I still don’t have employment, I broke my ankle and have been unable to perform for the past 3 months solid; but over all this was the right decision for us and it feels like the truest option for us. I am a performer, I always have been, I continue to be regardless of the hate that is out there and will continue in some form or another till the day I die. Everything comes full circle, I dyed my hair pink in high school and pink continues to be my color of choice most often when dying my hair.
When you know who you are, you cannot deny that for anyone or anything. You just have to have faith that it will all work itself out and that the world is larger than you are. You just have to go with it.
Huggles and Kisses lovelies.
The new hair with some serious Drag makeup on
