Wants Vs. Needs
So for this Christmas Season I received, luckily, from quite a few family members a little bit of cash. They all said, spend it on something I needed. Thing is, the stuff I needed most of the money was food, rent and bills so that’s where all the little gifts went. My parents however gave us a sizable amount of money and at two different times said spend it on what you need and on what you want. Well what if what you want and what you need are not the same?
Having been without a job for so long, burlesque or otherwise, I have come to live on the scraps of what works. I have one pair of pants, 3 skirts which all are not dressy, and some dresses. All my costumes need upgrades as well as just my desire and need for new costumes. I need new costumes but does that need outweigh the need for new shoes that don’t have holes in them or for a pair of jeans so I can go out in public without looking like a hobo? I don’t know. I am torn.
While it makes more sense to spend it on the clothing items I need for everyday wear without upgrading or getting new costumes I will not be able to get gigs and if I’m unable to get gigs then I won’t be able to make money. I used to follow this rule though, that only burlesque money could be spent of burlesque. Maybe I just suck it up for a little bit and go back to that but again without new pieces how do I get the gigs. It’s a catch 22.
Then there’s the part of me which says, get clothes you want to wear out. Dress for the person you want to be but if I do that then I don’t have any work clothes. So maybe I should spend it getting a more professional wardrobe but then I don’t know if once I’m healed and hopefully working if I want to work in a setting where I can’t dress like myself. But if I do get a job like that I’ll need those clothes right away so that I can go into work. It’s another conundrum.
I hope this doesn’t make me sound ungrateful. After everything we have gone through this year, I am so touched beyond words to even have this problem I just don’t know what I want and what I need right now. At least I’ve been able to narrow the whole thing down to clothes, I don’t really want or need anything else. Otherwise I could just spend it all on books or movies, or music, those are the only other things I want. Luckily I know better than that.
Sorry this isn’t anything deeper for you all. You’d think after having this blog for 2 years I’d know how to write about things that mattered more to other people. Sadly I’m still just as self involved as before on here. I do appreciate your taking the time to at least pretend to read it though. Especially with the broken ankle. I know my life has come to a crawl as of lately but I can only hope that with the new year and the removal of my screws that there will be bigger and better things on the horizon. I feel it, this is the year for change.
Huggles and Kisses.