I really am blessed and weekends that last 4 and half days that are as jam packed as this one was, well it reminds me of how blessed I am.

First, Zaftig Follies.  Oh. My. GOD!  These women made me want to cry several times during the show.  Either by their wonderful, humorous hosting (World Famous *BOB*), their vocals that make you shake in your bones (Broadway Brassy), their captivating classic moves (Jezebel Express) ,their inspirational dances (Darlinda Just Darlinda) or their hospitality and warmth (Juicy Jenn).  It was a sight to be seen.  Everyone there had a blast, laughing and cheering every performer on as if they were the only act of the night.  The food was incredibly, which is what I only know Asbury Lanes to have, and the bowling was goofy.  It was a cathartic show that just was bursting at the seems with positive energy.  No one left that night not feeling inspired.

Second, Coney Island.  Getting a chance to help out with the Wonder Wheel’s 90th birthday was so much fun!  I love working with people that inspire me and push me to be better and helping Jen Gapay out was just that.  This woman does it all! I was only more than happy to be one of the little people to help make it happen.  The performers were spectacular.  Phineas the Clown had more stage presence than most adults I know and he was 12!  World Famous *BOB* rocked it like the super star she is by hosting all 4 hours and it was great to see my friends that were in and at the show.  Plus free rides at the amusement park was just like the icing on the cake.

Third, The Compound.  Little did any of us involved know that one comment on a facebook page would lead to a sleepover involving movies, games, bagels, hot tubbing, croquet, pooling, and diving through a flaming heart.  I have so much love for the couple that had us over and shared their home with us.  They are good people and good friends. I only wish I had a compound of my own to share with them!

Fourth, Clue, The Office Edition.  Being able to share one of your nerd obsessions with another couple is pretty awesome.  Especially when you obsession is something as dorky as The Office. But who cares.  We had a great time, we ate good pizza, lot of poodle kisses were given and it will happen again soon.

Fifth, Photoshoot for a deck of cards.  Thanks to my friend Fem Appeal, I was put in touch with a really incredible photographer.  She has found herself in love with the scene up here and has decided to start a project where she will have 52 burlesque performers on cards.  I shot with her and it was awesome.  We both worked well together and I don’t envy her job picking the shot for the card because there were so many good ones.  It was nice to talk with someone who loves the art and sees the beauty in the variety that is the burlesque world.  I’m excited to help this project along and to get the final product!  Can you guess which card I’ll be?

And all of these things came from one weekend! This is my life! It’s hard to imagine a world where none of this existed.  Where I never decided to start doing burlesque.  I can remember the exact event that was the original catalyst for getting me into burlesque.  Auditioning for the Vagina Monologues.  If I had not auditioned for the show, I wouldn’t have gotten a role.  IF I hadn’t gotten a role, I wouldn’t have met my friend who was a drag King.  If I hadn’t met my friend, we wouldn’t have done a duet.  If I hadn’t performed I wouldn’t have met the burlesque artist that asked me if I performed burlesque.  If she had never asked me that, I would never have gotten on stage.  If I had never gotten on stage, Bambi Galore would have never been born.  It’s really crazy how one decision could have changed your entire life but I think I would have found it sooner or later.  Bambi is who I am.  I would have found her sooner or later but I am glad to have the life and the friends that I do and I only feel excitement for the future.  I hope you feel the same about your lives too.

huggles and kisses.

Jezebel Express, Broadway Brassy, World Famous *BOB*, Darlinda Just Darlinda, Bambi Galore- The Cast of the Zaftig Follies

So thanks to my handy dandy iphone4 I am posting to you all from the road. don’t worry, the missus is driving. i am on my way down to dc to perform tonight at Apex! It’s going to be so much fun! I’m doing a duet with Codie Swift and we are excited. We tested it out last week at Switch n’ Plays Open Drag and got a really good response. We are really looking forward to performing it for our friends back in the district through tonight.

I’ve been wanting to post because I’ve been so busy but haven’t been able to because I’ve been so busy!! I do want to make mention of an amazing show I was blessed to help out with, Criptease. It was out of this world. When I think about it now I still get chills at how it brought so much joy and humor into the world. the performers were some of the nicest people I have met in a long time and I hope I get to see more of all of them soon.

Well since I am writing this from my phone I think I will have to cut it short but I will say I do have exciting news! I just got into my grubby little hands my costume Fleur de Lys’ has been making for me and it is gorgeous! I plan to get photos taken in it as soon as I find the right gloves. I also starting promotions for my show at Asbury Lanes, the Zaftig Follies! The line up is intense, the poster gorgeous and the venue, one of my absolute favorites. it will definitely be a show you won’t want to miss!!

huggle and kisses!

I think I might have mentioned it once before but I love to bake! I love cookies, cakes but especially cupcakes.  Friends have come to call them Bambicakes as I have been known to leave them on doorsteps just for the fun of it.  Well, yesterday I had my first official order! It was for a surprise birthday for a dear friend of mine, Erik.  His girlfriend, World Famous *Bob*, planned the whole thing and he had no idea! I move when that happens.  Since I was baking with Bearik in mind I decided I wanted to make something “manly” as well as something light and fresh for summer.  This caused us to end up with angel food cupcakes topped with whipped cream and fresh strawberries and Mocha cupcakes with whipped cream and candied bacon, sooooooooooooo goooooooood!  They were a total hit at the party.  I can’t wait to have another excuse to create some more!

sweet and salty in a great combo of deliciousness

After all this baking in my non-ac’ed kitchen during a heat wave I am dreaming of a white christmas. Luckily for me I can put myself further into that frame of mind this Thursday when I pose for North Jersey’s Dr. Sketchy’s at the Clash Bar.  It will be a summertime Christmas celebration.  Posing, drinks, food and candy canes, plus lots of ac, lol.  Come out and win prizes and just enjoy dreaming of a white christmas with me.

huggles and kisses!

Wow! There has been so much going on this past weekend and the fun isn’t even over!  It continues to this evening with A Left Hip Production: An American Summer.  In honor of Solstice we are going to pack the Delancey Lounge with a bunch of amazing performers.  We will also have 2 for 1 drinks which is a total bonus.  Come on out and get all hot and bothered on the longest day of the year!

Last night I started my Pride festivities by attending the Femme Family Pride Party at the Stonewall Inn.  I love going to that place, for the history and for the ambiance.  They were having a silent auction for items and then live auction for dates.  I’ve got to say some of those dates sounded like super fun times.  I however got locked into one item in the silent auction.  A limited edition book by the photographer Sophie Spinelle called Shameless Femmes.  It’s a collection of photos of queer femmes doing pin-up.  Unbeknownst to me she made me the cover model!! I am so touched and honored for the privilage.  I actually got in a bidding war with Sarah Jenny, an awesome lady here in NYC.  I won at the lat minute though! It looks so good in my apartment.

On Saturday I spent the day at Coney Island marching in the Mermaid Parade.  It was so much fun.  It was my first Mermaid Parade and I have to say, the bar is set high for future ones. With the help of Blackie Deuce and Pookie Patootie we were Coney’s Angel…fish.  It was kind of a last minute concept thrown together but we still had a blast.  After the parade, the PiC and I went to the Mermaid Ball where I was interviewed by Denizen Rums.  Such goooooood rum! There were so many great performances and I met some really neat people (including a couple from DC!)  We ended the night by getting some bbq with some really awesome new friends.  So many good memories were made this weekend and I cannot wait till I make some more tonight.  Hopefully you’ll come up and make some with me!

Huggles and kisses!

I’ve been all sorts of busy as of late.  If not hanging with friends, helping friends prepare for Vegas or going to MoMa with friends, I’ve been busy making our house more of a home.  I am happy to say that since signing a new lease I’ve been in domestic goddess mode.  We did a spring clean from top to toe which included reorganizing, storing and getting rid of old stuff.  I still can’t believe I put together 3 bags of clothes for goodwill!  We also went to my Mecca and bought some more furniture to replace what was our subleasors from before.  We really love the flow we have now and it has made my baking side spring to life.  Last week, I shared Triple Salted Caramel Cupcakes I made from Sprinkle Bakes.  Mine looked just like the pictures sans the caramel rounds, those did not want to work with me (I think it was a heating issue) but no one minded as they were devoured by all they were shared with.  It’s been good times.

One thing I did do was go to see Marina Abromovic with World Famous *BoB* and it was just so moving.  Recreations and photos cannot even begin to express the depth and emotion of Marina’s pieces but they still made my soul quiver with energy.  Seeing Marina there, she is such a beautiful soul, was awe inspiring.  The current piece she was doing just seemed so giving of herself and her spirit, I could not imagine doing for a day what she had done for over a month and a half.  I feel like it opened me up to a new chapter in my art.

As far as my art goes as well, I have a nice schedule for this month!  I will put more details up as the dates get closer but if you want to mark your calendars…

• June 12th, Art Monkey’s Ball, The Red Lotus Room from 6-12
• June 13th, Guyz and Dollz: A Benefit for MADRE, China 1 NYC at 8
• June 26th, HyperGender, WoW Cafe Theater at 8
• June 27th, Kitty Nights, Bar on A at 9

This is of course not to say other things may not be added to the schedule or  that I’m not doing private events but why bring those up

I’m looking forward to all that this summer has to hold and if it all goes like last night did, it will be amazing.  Last night I was a guest at Jo Weldon’s Book Release Party.  It was awesome!  Not just the guests, or the show, or the food or the book, but everything!  I got to meet Bambi Sr. and Bambi Jr.  which was totally surreal and amazing, I even got my picture taken with them and Bambi the Mermaid.  It was a quartet of Bambis!  The book is just incredible.  There is so much good information in there as well as anecdotes and history.  It is by far a MUST read for any burlesque performer, beginning or veteran. Being able to share that moment with Jo felt special, to me at least, plus we saw Moby (another guest) and that totally jazzed PiC.

So off to do some more baking I think.  There are few black bananas that are just begging to be put out of their misery and made into bread.

Huggles and Kisses everyone!

Oh my goodness the past few weeks have been uber crazy! Let me tell you.  I have been so busy compared to the past few months.  So the question is where to start.  Well let’s start from the beginning and move forward.

I had an awesome photo shoot with Joseph Rosetti.  He and his fiancee, Joy, were a pleasure to work with.  We did a lot of new looks for me, not so sweet and innocent.  My favorite part of the shoot was the last set.  I decided I wanted to stick the weight issue to the front so we did a shoot with me covered in pudding.  It was SO much fun.  It was a really tangible way to say I don’t care to the people who choose to hate on me because of size. Here is one of my favorite pics from Joe, it’s unedited but I think that makes it more real.

My next adventure took me to World Famous *Bob*’s Ultimate Self Confidence Class! It was incredible.  I feel it really did change my life, even in only 2 hours.  I find myself doing the practices and my inner self strengthening from it.  There were such incredible women in the class and I definitely recommend it to anyone and everyone.  It was such a safe place and it made me more aware of the entirety of my life instead of compartmentalizing everything.

Then on a whim I got invited to an Artist’s Salon by Darlinda Just Darlinda.  It was really interesting as we focussed not only on how to make out art our main focus but also on using our body as our tools.  There were so many interesting people there and it felt good to go out and network on my own a little bit.  It’s been so long since I’ve been able to go do that.

Then there was the most incredible show put on at Poisson Rouge.  The Queens of Burlesque show, which Angie Pontani asked for my help with the VIP situation.  That in and of itself was crazy but the show was breathtaking!! Every performer brought 200% to the stage.  It was really cool because I got to speak with many of them backstage.  whenever in those situations I find myself reverting to a fangirl mentality but they were so sweet and open that it never really happened, I hope.  To just go into the show would make this post go on forever so if you want to hear about it, let me know and I’ll come back and fill you in but for now let’s just leave it as an awesome night with some incredible talent.

I finished out all this craziness by assisting Sophie Spinelle with a bachelorette party for Shameless Photography.  I was her makeup artist and for a group of 7 women, it was intense.  Sophie was a total doll to work with though, very professional, we had gone over what kind of look she wanted and then I used that to work with what each lady wanted.  I also worked with a very capable hairstylist, Bryn, and great assistant, Amanda.  The first one or two women took a bit of time but by the third we were all working really well like a fine oiled machine.  Bryn and I timed up and were working in synch.  It was honestly a lot of fun and I hope I get the opportunity to do it again soon!

Oh my so yes, that is the craziness I’ve been up to but don’t you fret my craziness is bringing me to the stage again!! In the period of three days you may get a chance to see me in NYC as well as DC!! So Look forward to another update REAL soon with dates and times.  As for now, I have costumes to go prepare!

Huggles and kisses

So on Sunday is my sorta anniversary with my wife.  I say sorta because we were actually married on February 29th and there is no 29th this year so we like to celebrate it over 2 days, the 28th of February and the 1st if March.  It’s funny how sometimes it’s like wow, it’s only been 2 years and others its, wow, it’s only BEEN 2 years.  Everyday we are still finding out new things about each other and becoming more synched up to each others wants and desires.

I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but I do quite often get compliments on our relationship.  Saying how we are just so compatible or we work so well together, that we are such a healthy couple.  I always thank the person but follow it up with, but it’s work to make it that way.  We didn’t always work on our relationship like the way you should.  A healthy relationship is like any living thing, it needs nurturing and sustenance otherwise it will shrivel and die and that’s what our’s almost did.

During our first year of marriage we thought, this is easy, you just go on as is.  We were wrong.  We both fell into habits which unbeknownst to us was pushing the other one away.  It got bad.  Real bad.  So bad in fact I did something I never thought I could do, I cheated on her.  With another woman.

This is not a fact that I am proud of but it is part of our journey and when I told her about it we had a choice.  Figure out a way to fix this, which my suggestion was counseling, or figure out how to separate.  Neither of us wanted to separate, we loved each other.  The cheating wasn’t the problem, it was only a symptom of the problem.  A problem both of us had and through counseling we were able to address those problems and become stronger from them.

Counseling was strange, some of the activities really opened our eyes to ourselves and each other, some were a good way to reconnect and others were just stupid.  But over all it made us reconnect and fall in love all over again.  We still bust out some of the practices we were taught just to show the other one that we are still cogniscent of the fact that this is a living entity and that we are still nurturing it.

I love her more today than I did when I married her.  I love that we have open communication and even during that dark time we were able to talk about it, even if through tears and loud voices.  I love that I know I have her support and she knows she has mine.  I love that through it all our trust of one another is deeper now than it ever was and no matter what people try to do they cannot break that bond.  She is my super hero, my lover, my biggest fan and my best friend.  Sure we fight, but we work through it.  And I think it’s that support and openness between us that others see and I hope that it will only continue to grow as we start another year together.

Huggles and Kisses!

A painting done of my wife and I by Molly Crabapple for LA's Manifest Equality Art Show

So my ankle is healing,  this is obviously a good thing.  I can walk up and down stairs with less pain everyday and I even found myself doing something that resembled dancing (to the very very untrained blind eye) in the kitchen while listening to the radio last week.  These are all steps in the right direction.  So of course since we all know about my patience, I set myself and my wife up for a little gig of sorts together last night.

We went and modeled for Molly Crabapple. If you don’t know her, for shame!  She is this incredible artist who is creator of Dr. Sketchy’s.  Not like heads up one of them but the entire shebang!  This woman is talented!  She is doing a piece for Manifest Equality and she chose to use my wife and I as her subjects!! I’m so super excited to see what she comes up with.  Even if unrecognizable, it is still just an honor to work directly with her.  And to sweeten the pot she gave us a signed copy of “Scarlett Takes Manhattan,” and made us aviation cocktails.  A truly fun excuse to don the face paint and head out into the world.

It felt good to get into my costumes again even if it was just to stand there and pose.  I am beginning to feel inspired again to perform once more.  I’m so anxious to hear my Doctor give me the ok.  I know I’ll have to start slow but that’s ok.  I have one amazing group holding a slot for me, knowing it will be a bit gimpy but still wanting me to be in their show.  It really means so much.  I also have contacts I can get back to, got to get back on that horse of promoting and producing.  I’m also in talks with someone about making a custom costume!! I’m really excited and am hoping to have it for my fire tassels.  I will not let this leg nor any negative people out there deter me.  I’m going to come back and it’s going to be huge

My friend sent me this little bit from a book when I was getting some negative comments from individuals.  (it’s funny how it all happened around the same time and all the IP addresses came from the same area, and while I could call people out I’m not going to because regardless of what said people think, I know who I am and I don’t need to be dragged to their level) I do love this quote though,

Policeman: “Ma’am, do you have any enemies?”
Old lady: “Don’t be insulting! Of course I do. Enemies are an indication of character!”

and baby, I have character!

So much is coming soon, I can just tell.  I look forward to keeping you all abreast as to the upcoming events!

huggles and kisses

Pic take by the wife on the train heading home from Molly's.

I was lying in bed this morning thinking about my life from high school on out.  I had recently gotten a comment from one of my high school friends that said I was “one of a kind”.  The funny thing about that is nothing that would normally seem shocking to others; playing rugby, coming out, moving to New Orleans, working at a Strip club, performing Burlesque, moving to New York; those things were not surprising.  It was the mundane; joining a sorority,getting engaged to a man, becoming an accountant; that shocked them.  I guess there is some truth to who you are at a very young age will be who you are when you are older.

Tiny things, funny enough have stayed the same most of the time.  I always say I get along with men better than women but in reality the majority of my friends are women with a few select amazing men thrown in. (this is my shout out to you guys, Greg, Joey, Tom, Abe) I loved my posse of chicas from high school, Lola, Bunny, Nikita, Roxy and Cha Cha.  This is when Bambi was born and while I might be the only one still going by my nickname, there were personality traits I still see in all these women today.  These women are a perfect example of how we have all changed and yet, I think we still have the same inner workings we had back then.

In college, that was the one time I didn’t have a majority of female friends.  I mean, I ran in huge groups of women, my sorority sisters and my rugby team but it was the fraternity, Tau Kappa Epsilon that I really connected with. They viewed me as a the female equivalent to their brothers and I did feel like those guys were my family.  I remember they were the first group of people on campus I came out to. Well, my new girlfriend on the rugby team also, she knew a little bit before they did but as a whole, they were the firsts.  They were so supportive, I remember sitting at lunch helping some of the brothers figure out the signs some girls were sending them while we rated the other girls that walked by, it was awesome.  They supported me fully and I did for them. So many of them pop into my head while I write this it would be unfair to list just because they all mean so much to me as a whole.  That’s not to say I didn’t have incredible friendships with my sisters, it was just, I was never able to come out to them and I regret that.  I feel like while I did find out some intrinsic information about myself in college, for the first 3.5 years I was so worried about what everyone else thought that I didn’t get to figure myself out enough.

I did however get to figure myself in New Orleans.  Finding out I didn’t like office work, that even if I could rake in over $1,000 in a night I wouldn’t work for people that questioned my ethics, I could stand up to the man and not back down, that there was a passion for performing in me that was not getting met.  These are things I found out there, I also went back to my primarily female friends only this time with a twist. Most of my friends were gay like me.  I loved the crazy adventures I would go on with Jenna, how Andrea’s family accepted me into their fold. I also found my religion in New Orleans and that gave me something to use to better myself mentally and to form a foundation for the type of life I wanted.  I loved my church family very much and I constantly miss them and know they would be proud of me. It’s funny how if I could have stayed in New Orleans I was going to start go -go dancing, yet, due to elements out of my control I had to leave and that was put on hold and yet, I made it back to that anyways.

The initial moving to DC was a shock for everyone that knew me, Bambi’s living at home with her dad?? Bambi got a job as an accountant??? These things did not make sense to me but they were the things that had to happen at that moment in my life. Thank God I met my friend Kalyn at that job or else I would have lost it long before I finally did.  Once I was able to get out of that house though I found myself searching for a way to fulfill that passion to perform. I did that through my family with the Gurly show.  There were people in the troupe I didn’t trust but that’s par for the course.  There were however people in that troupe that helped me find my own voice as a performer and have always encouraged me to create.  Coco, Ginger, Roxy and Codie were my girls through thick and thin with that group.  They were there when others were cruel and being nasty, when I started to deal with the weight gain due to my medicine, they supported me no matter what and I love them all dearly for that.  They were actually some of the biggest supporters in me following my dream and moving to New York.

Now I am here and it all comes back full circle.  When I was about 9 or 10 I would dream of how I was going to move to New York City and become a Broadway actress.  I could envision my one room hole with a hot plate and how I would survive on rice and beans.  I would have nothing to my name but I would be living my dream.  In high school I got voted “Most likely to move to Hollywood” which was only because they didn’t have a “Most likely to move to New York City”.  Somewhere along my journey (about mid way through college) I started to think how unprobable that dream was, that I would never move to New York. But somehow, from figuring out who I was on the inside, a performer, and meeting the right people, The Wasabasco Crew, World Famous *Bob*, Fem Appeal, I found myself coming up here every month.  I started bringing my wife with me, she fell in love with this city and we took the jump.  In some ways it’s been amazing; we have an incredible apartment, we have made really awesome friends, we have a support network we never imagined having; and in someways it’s been hard; I still don’t have employment, I broke my ankle and have been unable to perform for the past 3 months solid; but over all this was the right decision for us and it feels like the truest option for us.  I am a performer, I always have been, I continue to be regardless of the hate that is out there and will continue in some form or another till the day I die.  Everything comes full circle, I dyed my hair pink in high school and pink continues to be my color of choice most often when dying my hair.

When you know who you are, you cannot deny that for anyone or anything.  You just have to have faith that it will all work itself out and that the world is larger than you are.  You just have to go with it.

Huggles and Kisses lovelies.

The new hair with some serious Drag makeup on

I am actually feeling really blessed right now so I figured I’d take the second to just share.

Last night was a little rough for reasons outside of my control.  I was reminded of the hatred in the world and no matter how beautiful someone tries to make themselves on the outside, if they are ugly on the inside that will always shine through.  I was given some news, which I do believe the person that gave it to me was trying to be helpful but honestly people who hate were born to hate and they will continue to hate no matter how much you wish they wouldn’t.  It’s not your place to change them, it’s just your place to stay above it.

That is not to say I am not human and so I reached out to my burlesque family and got a warm comforting hug back from them.  They reminded me of the things I just said above and that anyone who has worked with me in any capacity knows the truth.  That meant a lot.  I even had some extended members of this family I call burlesque reach out, people that have met me once or twice or had heard of me from other, more honest folk.  That meant so much.  These performers were the purest epitome of class and beauty.

In a world where everyone is trying to get ahead, burlesque is the one place we should be able to pick each other up.  I’m glad to know that the people I associate with know that and the people who are no longer in my life, well, my life is better for it.

In other exciting news, I have a show booked tentatively for in June as long as my healing is going properly. I can only pray that by that time I am able to perform again.  It’s up to the doctors though.  I miss the stage so much.  I miss the camaraderie backstage, the talking through routines and concepts with others, helping others with their routines.  It has been a long road thus far.  Luckily I have been blessed with amazing friends that have sent me gifts, cards, visited and called me to check in.  Even if it was just a pop in one afternoon, knowing that they could take time away from their life to spend time with me, even if it was just an online chat, means the world.  No matter what happens from the broken ankle, my true friends have made themselves known and I love them all.

Speaking of friends! One of them invited Heidi and I out to her show this Sunday.  World Famous *Bob* is performing her one man show for the third time at Joe’s Pub.  I helped Bob by transcribing it from her first show and I can say that it is one of the most amazing pieces I have ever had the pleasure to hear.  And now to go and see it live! I’m beside myself.  This is definitely worth going out on a Sunday for.  I’m also a little glad I have it to distract me since I had a show booked for that night that the doctors had not cleared me for so what better way to not dwell on your inability to perform (which if I was staying in, I would do) than to go see someone who inspires you perform.  I’m satisfied with the trade off if I couldn’t be performing myself. So if you are in the NYC area and want to do something Sunday and are in Brooklyn, come to Joe’s Pub.  If you are in Manhattan though you can go catch Kitty Nights, it will be missing me but it will still be fab.

Huggles and Kisses